Submariners Assocation of Canada Easti

The Chief Tiff’s Lament – Thanks to Fred Ticehurst.

by on Jun.30, 2012, under Stories over the ages

Did you hear about the Chief Tiffy,
The man without a mate?
He’d fallen out with everyone,
but the Coxswain was his favourite hate.
Eventually the day came round,
And he stood at Heaven’s portal,
St. Peter was there in his best number ones
to greet the special mortal.
The Tiffy looked at St. Peter and said,
“I’ll not come in just yet,
I want to make sure there’s no Coxswain in here.
Said Peter, “You’re on a safe bets”.
So he picked up his bag and hammock,
And, believing St. Peter, went in,
The inmates of Heaven then trembled,
But Peter just gave him a grin
The Tiff went around and searched up and down,
With a fearsome look on his face,
At last he seemed at peace with himself,
There wasn’t a ‘swain in the place.
So life slipped by in the ‘boat’ in the sky,
The Chief Tiffy in charge on the wheel.
He was heard to remark, “What a bloody great lark,
This is just how a Coxswain must feel”
The rest of the crew were quite chokker.
Cursed the day Chief Tiffs were invented,
But power had gone to the old man’s head.
“I’m in charge now and I’m quite contented
But then there came that dreadful day,
Proper poorly the Chief Tiffy did feel,
For he spotted the badge of crossed tin fish,
A bloody great Crown and Wheel.
He went stomping off to St. Peter, and
In true Naval style made a complaint,
That he’d spotted an Infidel Coxswain,
Said Peter “I’ll bet that you ain’t,
Come with me” said the Tiffy and
Shaking his fist said, Just what the bloody “ell’s that?”
For there stood a vision, a Coxswain no less,
With gold badges and a tiddly hat.
” Hold on” said St Peter, “Just calm yourself down,
And I’ll do my best to explain,
That’s really GOD that you’re looking at,
He just likes to pretend he’s a ‘Swain!”.

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