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nursey ryme
A crusty  old Chief Petty Officer found himself at a gala event,
hosted by a local liberal arts college.

There was no shortage of extremely young, idealistic ladies in attendance,
one of whom approached the Chief for conversation.

She said,  "Excuse me,  Chief, but you seem to be a very serious man. Is something bothering you?"

"Negative, ma'am," the Chief said, "Just serious by nature."

The young  lady looked at his awards and decorations and said, "It looks like you have seen  a lot of action."

The Chief Petty Officer's short reply was, "Yes, ma'am, a lot of action."

The young lady, tiring of trying to start up a conversation, said, "You know, you should  lighten up a little.  Relax and enjoy yourself."

The Chief Petty Officer just stared at her in his serious manner.

Finally the young lady said, "You know, I hope you don't take this the wrong way, but when is the last time you had sex?"

The Chief  looked at her and replied, "1955."

She said, "Well, there you are.  You really need to chill out and quit taking everything so seriously! I mean, no sex since 1955!  Isn't that a little extreme?"

The Chief , glancing at his watch, said in his matter-of-fact voice, "You think so? It's only 2130 now."


Wind Propulsion, Quite, Clean and Renewable




A Skimner walked into a supermarket with his zipper down. A lady cashier walked up to him and said, "Your hatch is open." This is not a phrase he normally used, so he went on his way looking a bit puzzled. When he was about done shopping, a man came up and said, "Your fly is open."

He zipped up and finished his shopping. He then intentionally got in the line to check out where the lady was that told him about his "hatch being open." He was planning to have a little fun with her. When he reached her counter he said, "When you saw my hatch open did you see a soldier standing in there at attention?" The lady (being a Submariners wife and smarter than the man) thought for a moment and said, "No, no I didn't; All I saw was a disabled veteran sitting on two duffel bags.





A Submarine Chief Tiff and an Admiral were sitting in the barbershop. They were both just getting finished with their shaves, when the barbers reached for some after-shave to slap on their faces.

The admiral shouted, "Hey, don't put that stuff on me! My wife will think I've been in a whorehouse!"
The chief turned to his barber and said, "Go ahead and put it on. My wife doesn't know what the inside of a whorehouse smells like.





A Mexican Submarine Inspector In A Bar

A guy goes into a Texas bar all dejected, and orders a drink. The barkeep says, "Here, you look down. It's on the house if you'll tell me your story."

"Okay," the guy says in a heavy Mexican accent. "Ess like theese: I jused to be an inspector for the Mexican Navy."

"Really!" the barkeep says, surprised. "I didn't know Mexico had a Navy."

"Oh, chure," the inspector says.

"So, what did you inspect?"


"What did you have to do?"

"Well," the inspector says, taking a big drink. "I get into the submarine with all the other guys in the Navy and I say, 'Take it down to 100 feet!'"

"And what happens?"

"Then I go around and check for leaks. Then I say, 'Take it down to 200 feet!'"

"And then what happens?"

"Then I go around and check for leaks again. And if everything goes well, I say, 'Take it down to a thousand feet!'"

"And then what happens?"

The Mexican inspector shakes his head sadly. "Then those damn adobe walls just fall apart!"






Two guys are in a submarine. The first guy says, "Man, what are all these fish doing in here?" The other guy says, "I don't know. Maybe we should put up some screens."



Q: How do you kill 100 blondes in a submarine

A: Knock on the door


Submarines are safer than airplanes. Proof in the fact is there are more airplanes in the water than submarines in the air!


Q: Did you see the submarine (built by blondes) with a screen door?

A: Don't laugh, it keeps the fish out.


Did you hear about the sailor that was discharged from the submarine service?
He was caught sleeping with the windows open.


Paddle Your way across Ocean's




Once upon a time there lived three submariners: a Scratcher, a Coxswain, and an Engineering Officer. For some reason all three offended the Admiralty and were sentenced to die on the same day.
The day of the execution arrived, and the Scratcher was led up to the guillotine.
As he strapped the Scratcher to the guillotine, the executioner asked, "Head up or head down?"
"Head up," said the Scratcher .
"Blindfold or no blindfold?"
"No blindfold."
So the executioner raised the axe, and z-z-z-z-ing! Down came the blade-and stopped barely an inch above the Scratcher's neck. Well, the law stated that
if an execution didn't succeed the first time the prisoner had to be released, so the Scratcher was set free.
Then the Coxswain was led up to the guillotine.
"Head up or head down?" said the executioner.
"Head up."
"Blindfold or no blindfold?"
"No blindfold."
So the executioner raised his axe, and z-z-z-z-ing! Down came the blade-and stopped an inch above the Coxswain's neck. Well, the law stated that if the execution didn't succeed the first time the prisoner had to be released, so the Coxswain was set free.
Finally the Engineer was led up to the guillotine.
"Head up or head down?"
"Head up."
"Blindfold or no blindfold?"
"No blindfold."
So the executioner raised his axe, but before he could cut the rope, the Engineer yelled out:
"WAIT! I see what the problem is!".


A submariner walks into the seaside tavern for a drink. He's your typical submariner, deisel smelling clothes, hasn't bathed recently, deisel boats forever T shirt, etc. However there is one thing different. He has a steering wheel stuck out of his pants with his parrot perched on top of it. When the barkeep comes over he takes one look at this and has to comment on this. "You have a parrot on a steering wheel in your pants?" Without hesitation the submariner answers.........
"Yar, he's driving me nuts!"
A Soldier, a Sailor, and an Airman got into an argument about which branch of the service was "The Best." The arguing became so heated the three service men failed to see an oncoming truck as they crossed the street. They were hit by the truck and killed instantly.
Soon, the three found themselves at the Pearly gates of Heaven. There, they met Saint Peter and decided that only he could be the ultimate source of truth and honesty. So, the three servicemen asked him, "Saint Peter, which branch
of the Canadian Forces is the best? "Saint Peter replied, "I can't answer that. However, I will ask God what He thinks the next time I see Him. Meanwhile,
thank you for your service on Earth and welcome to Heaven."
Some time later the three servicemen see Saint Peter and remind him of the question they had asked when first entering Heaven. They asked Saint Peter if he was able to find the answer. Suddenly, a sparkling white dove lands on Saint Peter's shoulder. In the dove's beak is a note glistening with gold dust. Saint Peter opens the note, trumpets blare, gold dust drifts into the air, harps play crescendos and Saint Peter begins to read the note aloud to the three servicemen:
TO: All Former Soldiers, Sailors, and Airmen
SUBJECT: Which Military Service Is the Best
1. All branches of the Canadian Forces are honorable and
2. Each serves Canada well and with distinction.
3. Serving in the Canadian Forces represents a great honor
warranting special respect, tribute, and dedication from
your fellow man.
4. Always be proud of that.
Warm regards,
GOD, RCN (Retired)
Have a Great NAVY Day!
I suspect that the accident that led to this must have happened here in Ottawa on one of the two bridges outside Fort Fumble on the Rideau. It is the only location I know of where the three services walk around in such a daze that they do not see what is coming down the road!


Keep them Coming Boy's




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